For parents on social media, there seems to be a new trend or perspective on parenting every week. Whether you’re researching attachment patterns, delving into how to make a chore chart, or simply trying to find a disciplined approach to making your home life less chaotic, there’s something to be said. Lots of information available. When the risk is as high as “raising your child to be a good person,” you may feel like you have to get an internet-equivalent master’s degree in psychology to properly raise your child. Which leads us to the popular conscious parenting tips that are taking the internet by storm.
It’s no surprise that conscious parenting is one of the biggest parenting trends in 2022. With 255 million TikTok views on #conscious parenting, it’s safe to say that people are intrigued by this concept. Conscious parenting experts are sure that in order to raise healthy, emotionally resilient children, you must understand the way you were raised. This may mean facing past trauma and taking a hard look at how the adults around you are growing up to meet your needs or not. This kind of inner work is easier said than done, but it can make all the difference in breaking the cycles of trauma and fear-based discipline.
Here are some conscious parenting tips to build emotional resilience in your child — and in the process, let yourself be at peace with the past.
Often, we expect our children to regulate their own strong emotions when we are frequently faced with the equivalent of “adult tantrums” in front of them.
4 Conscious Parenting Tips to Teach Your Child Emotional Resilience
1. Realize that adults have tantrums too
Maybe you’ve been insisting on your child trying to stay calm, without realizing that you’re actually doing the opposite when things aren’t going your way.
Dan Peters, PhD is a psychologist and presenter parent footprint audio file. Peters considers himself a proponent of conscious parenting, citing how children tend to imitate the behavior they see from the adults in their lives. “Children learn to be human by watching and listening to their parents. When parents lose their temper, yell at others while driving (even if they deserve it), or speak badly of others, their children are more likely to do the same,” he said.
In other words, sometimes we’re actually demonstrating the exact behaviors we’re trying to limit in our children. And sometimes, we expect our children to regulate our own strong emotions when we are often faced with the equivalent of “adult tantrums” in front of them.
“Adult tantrums can take the form of shouting, throwing things, punching walls, yelling, ignoring, suppressing love and affection, as well as becoming passive-aggressive,” Dr. Peters explains. . “Angry episodes can be a response to almost anything—a child disobeying or disobeying, being rejected, things not going as planned, feeling unappreciated, having a bad days, late appointments, traffic jams, and the list goes on.”
If this behavior sounds embarrassingly familiar because you’re the one doing it, chances are it’s not your fault. Angry adults rarely want to. But this type of behavior may be the result of growing up without being taught the skills needed to effectively regulate your emotions. If you can’t think of a way to convey your feelings but you have to get them out By some wayyou can revert to behavior that feels (and honestly, looks) like a toddler having a tantrum.
2. Take a regular emotional inventory
The road to self-regulation when it comes to your own emotions can be long, but the good news is that you can start now. Being aware of your emotions, verbal communication, and taking time to calm down and think before reacting in times of stress can all become habits over time. Studies show that while your emotions can influence your child’s behavior, they don’t necessarily dictate it—meaning that even if you feel extremely insecure, you still have a chance. become a role model by reacting to their emotions in an appropriate way.
Of course, we must be aware of our emotions if we want to respond well to them. And that’s not always good, especially at first, and especially if there’s a trauma in the past that we’re not really excited about dealing with. According to Dr. Peters, it’s a necessary strain and we need to learn to lean on. “It is often difficult to sit back and acknowledge difficult emotions, but they are often messengers from the past inviting us to learn and grow,” he says.
Dr. Peters says a simple exercise to increase emotional awareness is to slow down and question yourself as a way to express yourself. Some sample questions he suggests include:
- How do I feel about this situation?
- What am I feeling in my body?
- Why does this bother me?
- Does this remind me of something I’ve been through in the past?
- Is this feeling about me or my baby?
- What is my desired outcome here?
Once you get used to asking yourself some of these questions before answering during a sensitive moment, you can share them as a coping strategy with your child to help them name names and regulate emotions. mine.
3. Master the art of apologizing
It can take great humility to apologize to an adult when you are wrong, even under the best of circumstances. Apologizing to your child can be even more difficult. After all, you owe your children the very best, so owning ways you could have done better can be especially embarrassing.
But apologizing to your child after a heartbreaking situation teaches them how to be human and equips them to take responsibility for their actions. surname mess up. Good apologies don’t have to be a big product, but they do need to address the hurt caused and avoid blaming others.
“Let your child know that your feelings are too strong, or that you feel they are very strong and that you have not handled the situation as you would have liked. Tell them what you did wrong and what you will try to do instead next time,” says Dr. Peters.
With young children, this means keeping it simple and direct. With older children and teenagers, you may want to share more about what sparked your strong emotions or overreactions.
4. Tell me how you really feel
Honestly, the kids know when you’re not really with them. And pretending that everything is okay trying to show them how to be resilient won’t help them in the long run.
“When kids see their parents always succeeding, never failing and always doing things ‘right’, they don’t learn about emotional resilience,” says Dr Peters. Instead, they are learning to set unrealistic expectations, which can lead to an unhealthy ideal that makes them feel the need to be perfect.
It can feel counter-intuitive, but honestly expressing your own frustrations and disappointments (without blaming your child, of course) can help them create the way life really unfolds. When parents let their kids see through how to have a bad day without blaming others, they’ll be better equipped to handle their own bad days in the future.
Furthermore, talking about your feelings, good and bad, with your child, will help them learn how to self-assess their feelings. Dr. Peters says that this concept, commonly known as emotional understanding, significantly impacts how your child understands themselves in relation to others and helps them overcome difficult situations. While these four conscious parenting tips will help you get a feel for this philosophy, there’s a whole world of advice if you’re still struggling to connect with your child.