Crying When Angry Can Frustrate You: Here’s Why It Happens

bangry is not walking in the park. Your muscles are tense, your palms are sweaty, and your heart is pounding so fast that it’s hard to believe the person hitting you didn’t hear you. But for some people, anger also brings tears to their eyes, making it difficult for them to think or speak frankly.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Crying when angry is a common response and often leaves you feeling out of control. It is also very upsetting because angry tears can make it difficult to argue or make a point effectively. Bring what? Here, mental health experts break down why you cry in anger, plus what you can do to address it.

Why can you cry when you are angry?

Crying when angry is largely due to the way emotions are involved. “Anger and hurt are two sides of the same coin,” explains Chloe Carmichael, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Nervous. Energy: Harness the power of your anxiety. Specifically, anger is linked to feelings of injustice, in that someone may have done something wrong or violated our boundaries, Dr. Carmichael explains. On the other hand, sadness involves regretting the loss of something, such as a space where we feel safe. Therefore, when you feel anger at the threat or attack, you may also grieve the loss of a sense of security and trust.

Anusha Atmakuri, LPC, counselor and founder of Antara Counseling and Wellness, echoes this view, offering another way of looking at the link between anger and sadness. “On an emotional level, the foundation [cause of] Anger can be hurtful, sad, betrayal, guilty, etc. So when we experience the root cause of anger, we may feel helpless or unable to understand or be able to understand. show yourself clearly,” said Atmakuri. For some, this can lead to a powerful release of energy, causing the dam to burst.

Is crying when angry a healthy response?

First, it’s important to understand the function of crying and why we shed tears. “Crying is an instinctive self-soothing mechanism of the body,” says Atmakuri. She notes that so much so that people often feel calmer after a good cry, because crying is a purifying experience.

Even the term “good crying” demonstrates how crying can relieve stress. According to Dr. Carmichael, tears actually contain the stress hormone cortisol. So when you cry, you can also reduce the stress level in your body.

All that said, crying when angry is not a sign of malice, Dr. Carmichael said. “It makes sense to feel deeply sad and angry,” she said. Atmakuri also believes it’s a healthy response, noting that the response has benefits. For example, it could indicate that there is something behind the anger that needs attention (which is a good thing, BTW). “Angry tears can also have a stress-reducing or self-soothing effect, and it can even promote closeness and empathy for others,” says Atmakuri.

Is it even possible to stop crying when you’re angry?

“Crying when angry can be normal and healthy, but it’s not always what you want,” Atmakuri admits. For example, in a work environment, shedding tears might be seen as unprofessional. Likewise, if you need to tackle an important topic, crying can get in the way of making a point. Not to mention, you can feel frustrated when you lose control of your reactions, leading to even more angry tears.

Fortunately, if you want to be more regulated during certain times, that’s entirely possible, Atmakuri says. In general, the most successful approach is to replace crying with another action, according to Dr. Remember, crying has many purposes, including releasing energy and warning others that this is a high-risk situation for you, she notes. By turning the shaft to something that can help fulfill that role, you can put the brakes on water plants.

One option is to step back and rest. This can be especially helpful in a professional or public setting, where you can hang out in the bathroom or in your car for a few minutes. During this time of rest, Atmakuri recommends taking deep, calming breaths to relax your body and mind. Dr. Carmichael also notes that sipping ice cold water can do wonders, as it will help you cool down physically (and mentally). Basically, by pressing pause on the situation, you’ll give yourself the space you need to review before returning to the conversation.

In other cases, if you’re about to enter a tense conversation and anticipate angry tears, jot down three or four points you want to make first, Dr. Carmichael suggests. After all, crying with anger can make you feel socially anxious, potentially causing you to lose sight of what you’re trying to say. “But by establishing some thesis, you will have something to strengthen yourself if you lose your cool,” says Dr.

If you can’t find support in focusing on other actions, another strategy is to frankly admit you’re crying. Take a tip from Atmakuri, who will directly address her tears when she feels them spilling out while trying to communicate. She might say something like, “I was just reacting to this difficult conversation. Pay attention to what I’m saying, not my cry.”

Ultimately, by practicing self-awareness and recounting your experiences, you’ll be able to master your responses while communicating openly with others, notes Dr.

Exploring your relationship with anger can help you over time

While the techniques mentioned above can calm angry crying in the meantime, it’s still worth digging in and learning about. why you cry when you are angry. This level of understanding will give you the tools you need to manage feedback, whether intended or not. It’s also the key to self-awareness, self-love, and self-development, says Atmakuri.

Carmichael says, start by taking an inventory of your beliefs about anger — contrary to what many people think, this is not a wasted emotion. Ask yourself: What are my basic beliefs about anger? Are these beliefs always true? What do I associate anger with? What is my anger trying to tell me? Write them down and read them. By seeing your beliefs on paper, you will gain a better understanding of how you react to anger-inducing situations.

It can also help unpack specific encounters that have brought you to tears of anger. Atmakuri further explains: “Start by defining what [part of] the situation caused anger. Then ask yourself what thoughts or beliefs you had about the situation. Next, identify the emotions you feel about that thought. Our emotions are the result of our perception. So understanding our emotions and identifying the thoughts that lead to those emotions helps us identify why we might cry.”

So if tears are part of your angry response, there’s nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. As Dr. Carmichael notes, crying is a healthy function of emotions and it can be used positively. To learn how to handle this reaction, give yourself space to reflect on your relationship with anger through journaling and therapy. With time and practice, you can control your tears, or at least accept them.

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